With a new DVD and yet another assertion that it’s making the kids go gay, SpongeBob is back in the news. So, grab that pineapple under the sea, and throw it in a blender with some rum and some ice. (You know it’ll be back in the next episode anyway.)

Have a sip when:

• Patrick fails to understand something incredibly basic
• Gary meows
• Sandy delivers a folksy idiom
• Mr. Krab talks about money
• Squidward says something sarcastic

Take a shot when:

• Plankton hatches an evil plot
• Patrick’s house falls on top of him
• Spongebob’s house is destroyed

Chug your drink when:

• Spongebob retracts his arms and legs into his body to throw a tantrum
• There’s a musical performance from the Bikini Bottom residents (a few sour notes on Squidward’s clarinet don’t count)
• The town of Bikini Bottom is destroyed